My whole life I’ve enjoyed a sense of who I am, what I wanted to accomplish, and how to get there…until Oct 7th, 2014. On that day I went through my first and only panic attack. It was related to losing half my account in the foreign exchange market. I had “lost” half of my account many times before in the two years of practicing before going live with real money. And I had lost half of my real account twice before this day. But this day was different. Something broke inside me. The panic attack was so far outside of my normal, I was sure I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital to get an EKG and examination. Scary stuff.

On that day, I lost my mojo. That wind beneath my wings, compelling sense of purpose, vision and clear direction…all gone in an instant. It is still a mystery to me, why that would all disappear with the only panic attack I’ve ever experienced, but it did.

This was followed by ever-present anxiety that slowly ebbed as the days passed. That week I tried everything to deal with the heavy foreboding, racing heart and sleeplessness that followed. It was rough. I did what I could with the tools I had, things that had brought me peace, joy or contentment in the past:

Listened to “Desires of the Heart” by Chris Spheeris and other quieting, peaceful, instrumental music
Cleaned and organized things around the house (small daily victories)
Took walks and frequently engaged in deep breathing
Dug around in my garden’s dirt, cleaning things up after fall harvest
Took bike rides, and did sets of pull ups and push ups (more small, daily victories)
Asked for hugs, and gave more hugs with my wife and children
Meditated, prayed and talked to my Creator/Father in Heaven
Even had a cry which I found to be surprisingly relieving
Talked to my mother, my siblings, my wife and a few male friends
Started keeping a gratitude journal, reaching deep in my memory to see the blessings

With persistent application of some additional behaviors and practices I learned about, as well as patience and time, over the next three months it gradually lessened to mild anxiety, and then finally dwindled back to almost nothing. What a relief!

Since then anxiety and sleeplessness only rear their heads when yet another great employer decides I’m too expensive in a cost-cutting effort and lays me off. This has happened far too often recently, but each time I feel more resilient.

Here’s where this blog post makes sense on a site about data and databases: After the second job loss in 2020 , I was hit hard mentally and emotionally. Luckily I learned how to use LinkedIn far better at that time, and my prior CIO referred me to my next CTO, which meant I only spent three weeks job hunting. What a blessing that was! I chose to take a “step down and sideways” to learn AWS services, Cassandra, Python, Athena, Kafka, Spark, dimensional modeling and data lakehousing/data warehousing, an area of my career that had been missing. The new employer had good people, a great future, fantastic nearby office, view of the mountains, and fully-paid benefits. Best of all, I was allowed to come into the office and have human interaction again, something I had really missed since Covid struck. I was pretty happy and excited to be there. The brilliant data architect, who wrote the entire data aggregation and analytics infrastructure from scratch, was training me. It would take at least a year, maybe two, to learn everything about this business, its data nuances, and all the code the architect had written. Then he quit 3 months into my new job, leaving me with a small team to hold it all together. It was as if a Boeing 747 pilot had decided to parachute out the plane and left one of the passengers in charge of the cockpit’s instruments, tasked with continuing the flight as-is and getting everyone home safely.

Anxiety hit me heavily for many weeks after he quit. It was very difficult to sleep with so much dread and worry on my plate, with no way or time to figure everything out he had built, on technologies and programming languages I hadn’t yet trained in. My manager, Jed Reisner, was very understanding and had some additional suggestions to deal with the anxiety and lack of sleep:

Binaural beats music
Guided meditation
Counseling
Hobbies

The music was very pleasant, and useful, and helped me sleep well the first night I tried it. The second night I tried the meditation from Berkeley and fell asleep right away. The counseling and hobbies would come a couple months later as I was recovering from knee surgery at the time and wasn’t ready for either of those. With Jed’s suggestions that worked immediately, my tool belt now felt complete. And I have been dipping into those tools each time low-grade anxeity has come sniffing around my tent again, or with each new job search and life change.

These tools and practices helped me a great deal, so I would like to share my findings and tips with you, especially if you are dealing with feeling lost, confused, dissatisfied, depressed, aimless, sleepless, or not at peace due to anxiety, worry, fears, general dissatisfaction, job loss, illness or life changes. It is my hope one or more of these will help improve things for you.

The human organism is so complex, and our circumstances so different, I can’t guarantee that what has worked for me, will work for you. Despite that, It would be selfish if I did not share what I’ve learned.

Some Things to Try

The following sections are what worked for me as I tried things to lessen anxiety, fear. and sleeplessness during times of self-doubt after losing employment.

2023 Feb 06 Update: Netflix recently released a documentary, a conversation between actor/director Jonah Hill and this therapist, Phil Stutz. The Observer published a fantastic article, chock full of studies and references, agreeing with Dr. Stutz, that the first line of treatment for those with anxiety and depression should be lifestyle changes. They cite new international guidelines that establish nine pillars for “whole-of-person” care, all of which are included below (the only one I don’t cover is to cease alchohol and smoking, which I totally agree with, but don’t have personal experience in doing).

Start Small

A word of caution: for someone dealing with anxiety, or in desperate need of a quick fix, a long article or list like this can induce even more anxiety. I mentioned small wins and victories in the introduction above. This is very important. Focus on trying just one thing for today, or for the next week. Make a simple chart on a piece of paper and tape it to your bathroom mirror to remember this one goal. If you forget and miss a few opportunities, that’s OK; these are often called “practices” for a reason. You are practicing, and it’s OK to make mistakes.

When you add the new behavior to your routine and “tool belt”, celebrate! Especially if it made a difference. Be grateful. Pat yourself on the back. Get yourself a comforting snack or treat. Tell a loved one about what you learned and did. Then make a new chart and keep it going for a few weeks to make it a habit, perhaps adding another behavior change if you’re feeling ready.

Do try at least one of the practices below. If you’re up to trying and succeeding at several of them, you will probably see a noticeable increase in your well-being. Once you manage to incorporate five or six of them, you may very well find yourself content, at peace, calmed, able to tackle whatever comes your way!

Breathe

Deep and relaxed breathing is one of the quickest and most accessible ways to instantly let go of a lot of pent-up tension, stress and worry. Everyone can do it, at any time, and in any place. You are flooding your system with oxygen, the fuel you live on and need for energy. You are taking control, over something you can control, which is a win for those with anxiety. Try it! It’s free and easy.

While you can do it while walking, standing, working, shopping or driving, ideally you will find a comfortable place to sit in a quiet environment. Gently close your lips, then breathe slowly in through your nose, dropping your diaphragm to give more room for your lungs as they fill. If this is unfamiliar to you, there are web pages and videos that can instruct. If you find diaphragm breathing complicates things, that’s OK; let it go for now and breathe in as you normally do, but do so slowly.

As you are breathing in, you could close your eyes and imagine a wispy, sparkling river of light and love and peace flowing into you. Or not, it’s up to you. You could choose to just be in this moment, seeing, perceiving and focusing on just this at this time, your breathing. Our brain, our mind, is an amazing tool. What we imagine, or “see” in our mind’s eye, is how we begin the achievement of anything we have become. Those who belong to my belief system call this faith, or exercising faith. It is a good use of your creative power that starts with imagining, believing in, and hoping for the joy and goodness in your life that you desire.

When your respiratory tank is full, gently hold it for two to eight seconds. You may only feel comfortable with two seconds to begin with. That’s OK. You can progress over time as you practice holding it for a little longer. Then part your lips and use your diaphragm to slowly exhale. You can choose to imagine that with your breath out, you are also letting go of toxins like grief, worry, fear, grudges, envy, stress, etc. I have found that it takes me twice as long to exhale slowly, as it does to inhale slowly. I’m no expert at this, but I believe the reason for counting while you breathe is to give your mind something to focus on, keeping you too busy to think about negative things.

As you practice deep breathing, do your best to focus on just this. If dark, difficult or worrisome thoughts knock on your door demanding to be addressed, acknowledge them, tell yourself you’ll give those thoughts an audience later; but for now, your only job is to focus on breathing slowly, calmly. Breathe in, and allow in, all that is good and right and brings you joy. Breathe out all that troubles you. Try not to visualize your problems at this time. Just collectively let them all go. For those who belong to my faith, let go of your troubles to Yeshua ha Mashiach (Jesus Christ) who lives and longs to heal, help and guide you. For others, you can just let them go, or give them away “to the universe” to work on or dissipate. Focusing on just this breathing will strengthen your ability to deal with problems as you go about your day. It will help you in becoming “mindful.”

One deep breath provides immediate relief. If you choose to discipline your mind to stick with it for two to five minutes, you’ll improve your sense of well-being, your ability to relax and stay relaxed by several factors.

Touch the Earth

Although I didn’t know it at the time, when I was getting in the garden, working the earth with my bare hands, I was doing something called “grounding”. Some call it “earthing.” By coming in contact with the earth, your body takes up some of its negative charge in the form of free electrons, which act like an anti-oxidant in the body, providing all sorts of positive effects.

Sounds woo-woo, tinfoil hat ridiculous, but it is real and it works. The benefits of connecting with the earth were innately known for thousands of years. It is only in the last century that we have been sealing ourselves off from touching the earth, in our synthetic, carpeted, plastic, rubberized, concrete and metal jungles. Unlike many home remedies and “alternative” medicine, this is backed up by at least a dozen peer-reviewed articles and studies, like those collected here, here and here. One of the metastudies concludes that grounding can improve

“…inflammation, pain, stiffness, circulation, blood pressure, blood viscosity, HRV, vagal tone, cortisol, stress, depression, anxiety, tiredness, fatigue, energy, mood, blood glucose, immunity, sleep, thyroid function, metabolism, serum electrolytes, wound healing, athletic performance and recovery, and more”

It makes sense that we were meant to be in contact with the earth, and is probably the reason many cultures refer to the earth as our nurturing “mother.” We are 55% to 70% water. We are conductive. Our body’s systems are bioelectrical. The earth is also electrical, a conductor, like a giant liquid battery with a metal core; it is an infinite source and sink of electrons, negatively charged at the surface. We are made up of elements that came from the earth. We are organisms that can and should live symbiotically upon the earth. When we touch the earth, with our skin, we are allowing nature to touch us, heal us and bring our bodily systems back into balance.

Although there are desk mats and bed mats you can purchase to direct negatively charged electrons into you and improve your sleep, the most simple way of grounding is to get outside!

Unfortunately our soled shoes insulate us from the positive effects of the most common way in which we touch the earth: walking upon it. So try to go barefoot in the grass, the sand, the soil, or the water. You can also touch the earth with your hands. Small-scale home gardeners know that working the earth with their bare hands reduces anxiety, stress and depression. And a recent meta-analysis of 22 case studies concluded the same, including reduction in BMI, and increase in life satisfaction, quality of life, and sense of community. Ever heard the term “tree-hugger?” I actually do that. Well, when I’m hiking I like to touch, pat and appreciate the magnificent trees and rock formations that line the sides of the trail. Touching the earth with your hands is something you can do easily in winter time as well.

Although there are detractors and skeptics trying to debunk the science, why bother listening to these scrooges when this is a very simple, free and easy activity that feels wonderful to most? Take off your shoes and wiggle your toes in the sand, dip your feet in the stream, or go walk through your lawn or garden. You could also lay down in the grass during warm and dry conditions. For a double-whammy of goodness, hike barefoot on the beach or through a forest. Try to touch the earth at least once a day for 5 to 15 minutes. What have you got to lose?

Connect

A Harvard study on Adult Development is just astounding in its breadth, depth and rigor. It gathered data for 80 years on everything about 724 Boston males and their offspring (268 from the 1930’s and 456 from the 1970’s). Robert Waldinger, professor of pyschiatry at the Harvard Medical School gave a viral TED talk on the findings of the study. As it turns out, the key to long-life, good health and happiness was good quality relationships. To summarize the summaries on this study: loneliness kills; substitute screen time with people time. Reach out. Call someone. Write an email or letter. Ask to get together, go for a walk, play a game, or have lunch. Talk and share. Be interested in the other person; ask questions about their life and what you can do to help.

This is the one I struggle with the most. I’ve long felt that I was an independent introvert, that I needed no one to complete me or help me. Unfortunately, escaping into social media, memes, video games and entertainment has convinced most of the current generation that they don’t need anyone either. As I’ve matured — and especially during the pandemic where I was forced to work at home away from daily interactions with people — it has become clear that I do need the company and complex interractions with others, especially friends and family.

I’ve come to cherish and treasure family dinners and holiday gatherings. I’ve tried to keep friendships alive by using text, email and facebook to send occasional messages, and invite friends on bike rides, hikes and lunches with me. And they have reciprocated. We set up a weekly Zoom call with my siblings, one of whom is in Rhode Island, and another in Germany. This has been such a blessing and critical for me, and particularly for my mother. And finally my wife and I resumed a habit of trying to have a different neighbor over for dinner once a month. I can attest that being with friends and family, and reaching out to make new friends, is essential to our mental well-being, contentment and fulfillment in life.

Hopefully as you consider this principle of happiness your inner voice will guide you to the things you can try to increase your connection to the good people around you and the quality of your relationships. I wish you luck as this one requires more effort than most, but is the most rewarding.

Sleep

In an unpublished video created for the iFIT platform, Dr. Moran Cerf, neuroscientist and business professor at Northwestern University, shared the five pillars of happiness, each pillar additively increasing one’s happiness. Unfortunately he did not cite the source, or study methodology, but said the pillars are the result of a multi-national study which concluded that the practices which actually increase happiness are:

Sleep (good quality sleep increased happiness by 2 points)
Social interactions/connection (1 point)
Spirtuality, or believing in a higher purpose (1 point)
Exercise (1.1 point)
Volunteering and serving others (1 point)

Although this post inadvertently covers all five of these, when Dr. Cerf mentioned that sleep affected one’s happiness more than any other factor, that intrigued me. I have had a fairy tale relationship with sleep ever since college. Most nights I’m asleep within one minute of my head hitting the pillow. I’m then fully rested and my body wakes up without an alarm just 5 hours later. But every once in a while, usually after another layoff, or right before an epic physical challenge with friends, I can’t sleep a wink. My brain just won’t drift off like it normally does, no matter what I try. An hour later when I start to worry I’ll never get to sleep, it becomes a self-fueled perpetual motion machine that keeps me up all night. I have yet to do any athletic endurance event on anything more than 2 hours sleep, sometimes zero. Urg.

There is so much information around the science of sleep, I won’t even try to unfold it here. Most experts agree you need between 7 and 9 hours of quality sleep. What they don’t agree on, is how to obtain it. Like the science of nutrition, mankind is uncovering more knowledge about the brain and human body every year; and everyone is different, so you will need to experiment and find what works for you.

Here are some things to try that worked for me.

Avoid long or late naps, especially within an hour or so of bedtime. If you are feeling drowsy, stay awake until bedtime. Otherwise you’ll be up ’til 2 or 3am, probably engaging in some other poor habit to pass the time until you feel exhausted enough to try sleep again. “In a study of 440 college students, the poorest nighttime sleep quality was observed in those who reported taking three or more naps per week, those who napped for more than 2 hours, and those who napped late (between 6 p.m. and 9 p.m).”
Sleep cool. You will heat up at night. It is best to keep your room, and perhaps your bed, around 65 degrees Farenheit.
Ensure your mattress and pillow are good quality and right for your sleeping posture, straight spine, neck curvature, etc. Everyone is different. This one can be expensive and difficult to get just right.
Avoid screens, blue and bright light within the 2 hours before bed. Instead get ready for bed, then journal, read to your kids, or read a book by the light of a soft white (2700K) bulb. Allow your mind to quiet down, instead of being entertained right up to the edge of bedtime.
Eat dinner around 12 hours before you plan on breakfast, and try not to eat food, especially ice cream and desserts later in the evening close to bedtime. Bad idea. Your body will convert those carbs to fat if they aren’t utilized; and they won’t be, because you’re about to go into hibernation for the evening.
Empty your bladder and only take a few sips of water before bedtime.
Darken your sleep chamber. Cover any LED lights from electronice devices that can’t be put in another room. Use room-darkening curtains if your windows or blinds let in too much light.
If you do wake up during the night, ensure you ignore the time on the clock. Don’t worry about it. Assume it is still early in the evening, and you still have the whole night ahead of you for some good rest. You’ll get back to sleep shortly.
Listen to relaxing, calming, meditative, instrumental music (more on this in the Listen to Beauty section below)
Write it down. If you have a nagging worry, or are going through tomorrow’s to-do’s and schedule, keep a notebook nearby, or write it down in your phone’s calendar or to-do list app. Put a date and time reminder on it, so you know it will be addressed in time. Doing this physical act gives yourself the permission to address that worry later, but not now while sleep is calling.
Meditate. There are many guided meditations you can find on the web. Try them out. In college I learned from somewhere to let go of every thought after closing my eyes. Imagine a tiny dark speck in the distance of the blank space in your mind’s eye. The dark speck of sleepiness is slowly, slowly drawing closer, enveloping more of the bright space that is your alert mind, putting things to bed as it nears, much like the evening unfolds as the sun sets. As it nears you, it will blanket you in velvety, comforting softness and welcome you into sleepfulness. When I was a teen I lay awake for three hours every night, planning every detail of the next day. Crazy. When I first learned this technique during my freshman year at college, I practiced this every night while listening to a calming cassette tape on repeat (Desires of the Heart, by Chris Spheeris). When I first started, the cassette would play in its entirety, and reverse, three times before I finally went to sleep. By the end of the second semester, I was falling asleep before the end of the first song. My point is that this, and any of these practices, could take a while to make a difference. Be patient. It will be worth the effort.

Facing a night without rest happens about twice a year, and when I’m newly laid off. When I’ve tried all of the above, and yet it’s been hours waiting for sleep to come, and my brain just refuses to get out of high alert, I’ve had to utilize a histamine blocker, like 25mg of diphenhydramine hydrochloride (Benadryl) to help me feel drowsy. This usually puts me to sleep within 30 minutes, but I always wake up exactly 4 hours later. Benadryl as a last-resort does not give me a full night’s rest, but it’s better than nothing.

Find Your Higher Purpose

Dr. Moran Cerf warned that this pillar of happiness can’t be faked. You actually have to be spiritual, not feign spirituality. Those who are happier believe they are here for a reason; they find meaning in their life, usually due to a belief in an afterlife. They believe they are created for a purpose and given a mission to learn, create, work, serve, love, have children, be hospitable and generous, leave the world a little better than you found it, etc.

I was raised Christian, but I was very cynical. I loved, leaned into and trusted science and logic. And yet, I had a hard time accepting that evolutionary uniformitarianism was the only explanation for life as it is, that I am an organic meat bag, a happy accident of billions of years of random mutations, and that consciousness ends at death. I spent three years exploring other faiths and reaching out, yearning and begging the God I had been taught about to let me know if he was there. It is a much longer story best saved for a different blog, but I was blessed with two profound spiritual experiences where I experienced my God and his overwhelming love for, acceptance, and intimate awareness of me. These experiences, one in 1988 and one in 2003, gave me hope and meaning, and changed the course of my life for the better.

It is fine if you disagree or think I have allowed my mind to manufacture these experiences. I know what I experienced and it gave me purpose. And this is the point of this section. Belief in a higher purpose and meaning for this mortal existence improve one’s happiness, especially those who feel lost or aimless, who ask “Who am I?” or “Why am I here?” If you don’t yet know what you believe, why don’t you set aside a little time every day to explore belief systems, meditate, listen to the inner light or voice within you, or pray to know what is true and listen patiently for guidance? Finding “your Why” could make all the difference.

Listen to Beauty

Audible beauty can take the form of getting outside and just listening to the sounds of nature (see Touch the Earth and Get Moving sections), or listening to your young children imagine and play, or just listening to music. The sounds or music that soothe your soul is very personal and can be different for everyone. Count it a blessing if you already know which music calms and relaxes you. If you do not yet know, you are in for a rich experience as you try out some of the suggestions below. With Pandora, Spotify, Amazon Prime and other music services, it is very easy these days to sample different tastes in music.

Music is so powerful. It is vibration and frequency in its purest form. It can induce various feelings, motivate, inspire, relax, and energize. Like several of these practices, you will need to experiment and find what works for you. In my moments of disquiet, worry and fleeing peace, I have found the following types of music and specific artists have improved my mood, quieted my mind, slowed my breathing, and helped lessen worry, stress and anxiety. I will mark with an asterisk those that actually induced restful sleep on nights when my mind would not be quiet. This list exposes how shallow my taste in music is, but so be it. If this helps someone in need, I’m OK with that.

You can search for the recommendations below on YouTube or Amazon. I’m not including links on purpose because I’m not trying to sell anything. There are literally thousands of artists to explore in each of the categories highlighted below. I hope you enjoy exploring all the options! If you have some great recommendations, please drop them in a comment on this page.

New Age

Chris Spheeris, in particular album Desires of the Heart*
David Lanz
2002*
Enya
Michael Gettel
Windham Hill artists
Suzanne Ciani

Piano

Jim Brickman
John Schmidt
George Winston
Kurt Bestor

Guitar

Michael Dowdle
Govi

Saxophone

Kenny G

Relaxation, Meditation, Massage, Yoga

Dream Music: For Sleep and Relaxation
Soothing Relaxation*, by Peder Helland
Native American flute music
- In particular the 2004 Best of R. Carlos Nakai album
- Native Moods: Nature Music and Flute Spa Music

Tibetan Bowl

Liquid Blue

Binaural Beats, Sleep Music

SleepTube, in particular “The Blue Forest”*

Eat Well and Hydrate

I was tempted to not even include this because how I ate did not change as I learned to deal with these new difficulties in my life. I was already eating fairly well, and continue to do so. I am absolutely convinced that good nutrition plays a huge role in our mental well-being. Making changes in your well-established patterns of eating can be very hard, time-consuming and expensive, which is the reason I encouraged small steps at the start of this article. If you’re ready to tackle this one, here’s what I recommend, one step at a time, not all at once:

Eat mostly from the produce, dairy and butcher aisle, as well as canned and frozen fruit and vegetables, hummus, salsa, beans, grains and nuts. It is really easy to make your own hummus and salsa. One tip, substitute olive oil for tahini. Try to obtain meat and eggs from pasture-raised chickens, milk and beef from grass-fed cattle, wild-caught fish, and organic pesticide-free plant life. Yes this kind of nutrition is expensive, unless you are running a little farm.
Try to avoid processed food, especially man-made ingredients meant to make food last longer on the shelf, like preservatives, artificial colors and flavors, MSG, and hydrogenated oils (trans-fats).
Cut out all artificial sweeteners and sodas of all kinds, especially diet. If you do imbibe in a sweet drink, limit to fruit juice or real sugar (like homemade lemonade) once in a while. If you are diabetic, see if a low-glycemic natural sweetener like monkfruit or stevia works for you. I cut out soda in 1994 and feel it has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I am human though; I do still enjoy an orange juice, glass of homemade grape juice, or root beer with pizza here and there.
Try to learn and make your own tortillas and bread, especially from sourdough starter and home-ground wheat. After I was doing this for years I was fascinated when I would eat a slice of store-bought bread elsewhere, and found that I could now smell and taste the retarded spoilage in what everyone else thought was good bread.
Hydrate well. Get your water from a spring, filter it, or be lucky enough to live near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. Publications have been giving rules of thumb for years on how much to drink, like half your body weight in ounces. That’s ridiculous, especially if you’re obese. A Stanford professor who is one of the few experts in this area, but who I forget the name of, said that the trends have no basis in any published science; she said to do what humans have done for thousands of years: drink when you feel thirsty. This article agrees. Unfortunately, that approach doesn’t work for me, because I never feel thirsty. But it will work for most.
Determine the vitamins in which you are deficient and supplement. Most people are heavily deficient in magnesium and Vitamin D. And it just so happens that magnesium plays a huge role in feelings of calmness and muscle relaxation. Magnesium is best absorbed through the skin, but many find that messy and uncomfortable, so resort to taking internally. The best way to get Vitamin D is by exposing 80% of your skin to the sun for 15 minutes each day; but unless you have a private place to get naked, that’s not happening and the best most of us can manage is exposing 5% of our skin 15 minutes a day. If you do supplement with Vitamin D, ensure it is the D^₃ form. Much vitamin D can be obtained while getting your “vitamin N” (Nature) in shorts and a tank or T-shirt, talked about in Touch the Earth (above) and Get Moving (below). After that period of absorbing the sun’s rays, then go ahead and apply sunblock.

Get Moving

Of all the things that helped me, this one is my favorite. Exercise and getting outside to enjoy nature, — all while getting in a good workout — is my drug. I simply can’t start my day without a good workout. And I look forward to hiking or biking outside like a kid itching to go to the candy store. Moving, stretching and exercise is good for you in the short and long therm, will extend your lifespan, allow you to do things other peers cannot, and releases endorphins and rewards you with dopamine. It is worth every effort to incorporate into your daily routine. Do remember to take a break, and have days at light intensity, so that your body can recover and build muscle.

Various studies have shown that exercise is just as effective as anti-depressants. See this short little article from the Harvard Medical Journal, although I prefer this article from the NIH, and this one from the British Journal of Sports Medicine. If you would like relief from anxiety and mild to moderate depression, look no further than finding some form of movement, stretching or exercise that is easy to implement and enjoyable for you. It needs to be something you can get to readily; having to drive 30 minutes to the gym, or driving an hour to the trail head isn’t going to work for a daily routine. It must be something you enjoy, or the new habit will fall apart quickly. Walking/jogging, biking, and mobile fitness apps, or YouTube strength and yoga videos fit the bill nicely.

Here’s my story with exercise and what worked for me:

I was born with agility, flexibility, endurance and enjoyed playing sports. Frankly my brain didn’t grasp the dynamics or social nature of team sports; I did far better with individual sports. Unfortunately, my genetics gives me poor joints. I had to stop playing soccer at seventeen because 30 minutes of running caused me such pain in my knees I couldn’t stand up. Luckily I discovered cycling at 19 and never looked back, biking 40 to 100 miles per week, racing mountain bikes in college, and still cycling today. Hiking in the woods has also been a life-long love affair, and I took up mixed martial arts in 2009. I tore my left meniscus for the first time in 2010, which mostly healed. Then my right meniscus started tearing in 2016. At that time the doctor told me to cut the martial arts and hiking out entirely, which I did. Luckily I was allowed to keep cycling as part of my physical therapy. Since snow sports were out and I tended to gain 10 lbs every winter from lack of exercise, I picked up a ProForm iFIT bike from Costco in January of 2020. I immediately fell in love. On the bike’s screen, I was able to follow and ride with trainers in locations all over the world. It was like a mini-vacation every day! The same platform also offers strength, HIIT and yoga/stretching classes. Then in the summer of 2020 I tore my right meniscus for the fourth time. The orthopedic surgeon, who had agreed to my desire for natural healing for years since my first tear, told me it was time for surgery. Recovery went well; too well. I thought I was all healed just a month after surgery! I overdid it with two intense trail rides back to back, and set myself back six months. The iFIT bike continued to be a great way to recover and eventually I was back at full strength. I ended up purchasing a NordicTrack X22i treadmill and upgraded the bike to a NordicTrack S27i, both with big iFIT tablets embedded. And now my wife was hooked on the treadmill! She could run all over the world; walk on beaches in Tahiti, Fiji, Hawaii, and Thailand; hike in Japan, Norway, Scotland, or the Swiss, French and Italian alps; take walking tours of Petra, Egyptian pyramids, Constantinople, and so, so much more. I succumbed as well, and now do three workouts (strength, hiking and biking) almost every day. Highly, highly recommended. The subscription membership for the devices is worth every penny. It — is — so — much — fun!

And that is the point; even though I couldn’t do much, it was enough. I sought and found something easy, accessible and fun. Thanks to these machines, and the grace of God, the muscles around my knees, and my heart, are as strong as they were in my thirties. This has allowed me to return to hiking, gettiing in 150 hikes of 2 to 10 miles each last year, and oh what joy this has brought to my soul to be out in the red rocks, slot canyons, and mountains again!

Be Grateful, Mindful, Prayerful

This is a very broad topic. There are entire books, websites, and authors who have dedicated their careers to teaching mindfulness and meditation. I’m not that guy, nor will I pretend to be. This article was meant to share what worked for me, and what worked for me was continuing a habit of prayer and journaling, and starting two new journals. Yep, you read that right: three journals.

In my primary journal that I started when I was seven years old. I record events, family visits and dinners, trips, accomplishments and concerts of my children, thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams, etc. I only write about once a week, but during my times of joblessness and worry, I started writing daily, and it helped to offload my thoughts onto digital “paper.”

I also found an old spiral notebook and began hand-writing at least four new things each day that I was grateful for. I kept this going for a month to try and form a new habit. What I found valuable about this exercise was the introspection required, the mental exercise it took to look inward, find things in my life that I cherished, and see aspects of my life from a new perspective. Finding and seeing things in your life through a lens of gratitude is frankly one of the keys of happiness. During a time when I was really blue and wondering “Why me?” this practice dispelled much of the dark clouds of negativity, lifted my spirits and helped me see more clearly.

The second journal I actually started in 2017, long before the first job loss in 2018 began. This journal is solely intended for “hand of God” moments. When I experienced an answer to prayer, a divine protection from harm, a miracle so dripping with coincidence that it could be nothing other than God manifesting in my life, I wrote it down. Even if you don’t agree with my source attribution, these amazing events were just too good to be lost by my leaky memory. This small book is now about 40 pages long, and it has become precious. I hope to pass it on to my children so they can learn and know how my Father in heaven was quite often, strongly, obviously there for me. During time of worry and fear about the future, re-reading this journal, and writing the miracles that took place during the times of joblessness, were of great help and kept my perspective in a better place.

One of the things I have come to be grateful for is that pivotal panic attack in 2014, and the struggles with anxiety with each loss of employment. I still miss much of the old, super-confident me, but I’m grateful I went through these experiences for at least two reasons:

Empathy: Two of my daughters were about to manifest chronic anxiety, one in 2015 and the other in 2017. Prior to 2014 I just didn’t understand folks with mental health challenges. Figured they should just “pull it together” or do A, B and C to “get over it.” I’d like to think I have now learned some empathy and compassion towards those who struggle, and I feel more capable and well-rounded for it.
Perspective, Patience and Resilience: I had enjoyed a relatively stable career for a long time. I thought I was pretty smart and sharp, completely unaware that I was weak in certain areas because everything had always gone so well. Starting Dec 27, 2018 I began a period of being let go from employment, over and over. Each new layoff, intense job hunt, insurance change, and disruption strengthened me. These experiences became easier and easier to accept and adjust, having been through it before.

What have your struggles taught you? Have previous difficulties led to any learning, growth, maturing, unexpected opportunities or blessings in your life? Reflecting on your past like this might be a good start to your own gratitude journal. Perhaps put it by your bedside where you can reflect on your day and write a little something each night before bedtime. Or put it by your chair where you read or pray in the morning. Make it part of your daily routine to journal, meditate, pray, or all three!

Help Someone

This is one of, if not THE surest, quickest way to dispel darkness and let light, joy and happiness back in:
Think of others and then do something for one of them. I tend to be self-centered; when people wish me a good day, it doesn’t even occur to me that they might want or be expecting to have the same well-wishing reciprocated. But membership in my church, and opportunities put in front of me “by the universe” (God) have allowed me to participate in lots of service. And I can vouch that there is a pure joy you feel when you serve someone in need because they too are a child of God, and deserving of your help, time, love and attention.

If you’re having trouble finding motivation to do anything at the moment, do it anyway. Anyone who selflessly thinks of others and finds someone or something to love, serve and care for in their moment of need will find their reservoirs of happiness refilling. This is part of the Connection, Get Moving, and Finding a Purpose practices as well, as you are usually getting out of the house and being with the person you think well enough of to care for.

If you don’t know where to start, or have never really participated in volunteerism, you could ask your local city office, pastor, imam or rabbi for suggestions. Your workplace might have some partnerships and volunteer days that you’ve generally ignored in the past. Or simply search the web for “food pantries near me” or “rescue missions near me” or “domestic abuse centers near me.” You could make a big difference giving of your time to the less fortunate. One really great resource is a website created by my church: https://justserve.org which is designed for folks who want to start volunteering but don’t know where to begin. Give it a look.

You Do You

One of the practices that can help calm a harried mind is re-direction, focusing on something that genuinely brings you wholesome pleasure and joy. I strongly believe that the closer we get to living the way we believe — or know deep down to be good, healthy and wholesome — the closer we get to true peace. For me this was following Christ’s teachings, hiking, biking, gardening and being on the mountain and in the forest. But you do you! What used to make you happy, feel freedom, or feel “in the zone” when you were younger? Bikes, fishing, legos, baking, fashion design, horses, caring for a dog? Has it been a while? What’s stopping you from picking it up again? If you genuinely cannot, what was it about that activity that you loved? Can that same quality or reward be found in other hobbies or activities? It might be time to try new things, some requiring effort to set up, purchase gear, or learn. Some will be free and easily accessible. Here’s a handful of ideas:

Reading
Yoga
Running
Painting
Writing poetry or short stories
Organizing and cleaning
Making gifts
Making jewelry
Woodcarving and whittling
Playing games or solving puzzles
Going to a ballgame with your Dad
Riding bikes with a buddy
Visiting the beach
Lifting heavy things and putting them down (gym)

Whatever it is, you do you. Find or create the time to allow a little fun and joy back into your life. Let your creativity soar!

Get Help

Let’s say that little by little, week by week, you add some of these practices to your daily routine. You cut out sodas, most sugar, and eat more living, unprocessed food and clean water. You exercise 30 minutes and take a walk most days. You stay off the mobile screen and TV at night, reading a little and journaling a little before bed. You reconnect with friends and co-workers and start texting and calling family members more. By this time, you should be noticing your contentment, purpose, and calm genuinely improving. In the last decade several of these practices have been shown to have an equivalent or better effect than anti-depressants.

However, if these aren’t helping at all, or if you feel so broken or depressed that you can’t even bring yourself to try one of them (if you haven’t already done so) it is time to seek professional help. Finding a good counselor is tricky business, because it can cost upwards of $250/hr for each one you “try on for size.” There is a shortage of trained counselors at the moment; it can take weeks or months to get an appointment. It would be great if each counselor would let you interview them, much like home repair services are willing to come meet you, learn of your needs, sell you on why you should go with their company, and give you a bid. At the moment, though, that is not how things work. You might talk with friends to see if they know of anyone who has truly helped their clients, or talk to your ecclesiastical leader who might be connected to some good ones. Betterhelp.com advertises itself as matching you to great therapists, but when we test-drove their website for a loved one, they just seemed to be a broker, much like the many insurance websites that send leads to agents for a small fee.

Best of luck in this endeavor to find someone who “gets you” and can really help! Sometimes all you need is a listening ear. Sometimes you may need a little more intense approach, like cognitive behavorial therapy or dialectic behavioral therapy. Be willing and open to try new things and give their suggestions a good try. They may prescribe medication to help with your seratonin uptake or epinephrine/dopamine levels. In deciding whether to take medication or not, go with your “gut” here. I call it listening to the Spirit or Light within you, which often knows exactly what you need, and when finally presented with a missing puzzle piece, you will just know or “feel” that this is right. These medications can take weeks to realize their full effect, and it may not work for you. That’s OK. You learned something about your body in that experiment and can move on to try another. Personally I haven’t needed this option, or had any prescribed, but I recently finished reading Radical Love, by Zachary Levi, and even after intense therapy had brought major breakthroughs to his mental health, it wasn’t until he fell apart again (after thinking he was finally healed), that he found medication was the last piece of the puzzle that stablized everything and brought him the peace that had eluded him his whole life.

Wrapping Up

I sincerely hope you find success and better well-being by trying some of these good habits. Feel free to drop a comment below if you have suggestions, find typo’s, or have feedback on how things are going. This Bluehost blog editor mysteriously doesn’t offer the Subscribe widget. If you’d like to stay in touch, you can connect with me on LinkedIn or Facebook.

Other Resources

Dr. Martin Seligman’s 5 Pillars of Happiness

Happyness Hub